So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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