you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
