Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
