Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
