Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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