my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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