hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
