i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Randomize
