The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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