I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
