Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
