Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
