I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
