Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
