Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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