My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
