Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
