I wanna bring you to show and tell
My friends, they love my intelligence
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
