Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
