she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
