there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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