yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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