Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
