Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
