Umm I'm too high to move.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Congratulations! We have a period
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