found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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