carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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