btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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