So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
