the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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