Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
