She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
