Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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