I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
