He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
