Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My pussy is not your playground.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
