i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
