so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
