I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
