I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
