I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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