Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
