you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The adults are the big ones right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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