I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
