cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
