The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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