Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
