How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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