The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
is it fun? or sober?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
