At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
