So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
