i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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