I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
